When the Body Speaks: Learning to Listen Instead of Fear

Breathe...

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night with your heart pounding, thoughts racing, and an overwhelming sense of dread—like something terrible is about to happen but you don't know what or why?

That was me the other night.

No warning, no trigger I could identify—just a body in full alarm. And like so many of us, my first instinct wasn’t to feel… it was to fix.

But what if the healing doesn't come from figuring it out, but from finally feeling it?

I’m so conditioned to by-pass the feelings in my body, survival reasons which I will share in another blog, because it's my defense. I don't want to get caught up in how I am feeling, I want to logically think this through and figure out the “why” before it gets worse and I can't reign myself in. Did you hear my fear talking? My fear, because its happened in the past, is that somehow the feelings of the experience will hijack my brain and then I'll have a full blown panic attack. The irrational thought behind this fear is that I won't be able to control the feelings, and how will I stop myself from feeling this horrible, loss of control feeling, that makes me feel like I’m going to die. Clearly that has never happened but yet, I still fear it will. Somewhere in my brain, I think that if I can “think” about the why, then I can come up with a solution for it. I’m very cause and effect minded and my brain thinks that it can solve ANY problem this way. Sound familiar? See, I know that many of us rely solely on our academics, worldly experience, years of wisdom gained from experiences… But what if you STILL can’t solve it this way? What then? Many have a full blown panic attack, some turn to a casual drink or two or three… Some choose to smoke, and some choose to go into complete denial, kind of like Scarlet O’Hara in the classic movie, Gone With The Wind, “I’ll think about it tomorrow”. I am in no way judging any of these practices because I have probably done many if not all of these at one point or another. But here is the catch. While we temporarily come up with a remedy, or so we think, we are not really addressing the REAL why, the CAUSE, the root of the problem. So, IT will happen again.  What if I told you that the very thing you are trying to avoid, negate, push through or aside, is the answer.  The very thing that your body is trying to get you to “feel” NOT think about, is your answer. Crazy you say? I thought so too until I started my psychosomatic work with my practitioner. I learned how not to fear it, or try to push it aside and push through, which is another one of my go to defenses. I learned how to tolerate the discomfort that was coming through. Oh! That’s another thing that many of us avoid, DISCOMFORT. Another future blog post. As I learned to tolerate the feelings that were coming up, I began to give space to and “listen” to what my feelings were trying to do which was to teach me more about me. I learned that my panic attacks had an origin from my childhood, and I have to still remind myself that I am no longer in that period of my life and that I am safe. I learned that my anger, which was my go to emotion because it kept me alive, helped me to feel strong and empowered. I didn't always have to come out and dominate and avicerate people in order for me to be heard. It now sits beside me in my body, keeping watch, making sure that I am safe and waiting for ME to tell it that it's ok for it to make itself known. I learned that my broken heart taught me so much about how strong I am, about compassion, about humanity. I learned to feel power in my vulnerability which was huge for me. I am so grateful for that! 

So, back to the other night. I woke up on the verge, quickly darted out of my bed, a typical reaction for me to want to “get away from” it, and I could hear my heart racing. I know that from this place, I can't think rationally. I am literally in “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, at the base of my brain, there is no rationalization happening there it is strictly survival. I went down stairs, got some cold water, began walking and doing my breath work, and reminding myself that, “I am safe. I am protected. I am at peace. I am whole. And so it is”. I learned this mantra/ prayer from Jean Gutierrez, and I use it. Once my nervous system regulated, and the rationalization part of my brain turned back on, then I sat with myself and I asked my body, “what are you trying to teach me?” and I waited and listened. 

We all hold emotions in different arts of the body and we don't all store them in the same place. For me, my fear lives in my throat and in my abdominal area, restricting my life force, my breath. So, when I notice tension in those areas, if I am awake, before the fear gets “louder”, I gently place a hand in either place, I begin my breath work, I ask, and I listen. You know what? I always get answers! 

And here's what I’ve come to realize: healing isn’t about avoiding fear—it’s about making space for it. It’s about noticing where it shows up in your body, gently tending to it, and allowing it to be part of your human experience without letting it take over. That night didn’t end with a dramatic breakthrough or some profound revelation. It ended with me sitting quietly, hand on my heart, breath steady, whispering to myself, “You’re safe. You’re here. You’re okay.”

And sometimes, that’s more than enough.

So the next time you wake up in a panic, or feel that familiar tightness in your chest or throat, maybe try asking yourself: What are you trying to show me? Then breathe. Wait. Listen. Because your body isn’t your enemy—it’s your oldest friend, and it’s been trying to speak to you all along.

Until next time, breathe in… and be gentle with yourself.

And Exhale...