You Are the Home: How to Stay Grounded When Your Mind Won’t Stop Racing
My body? Safe. My thoughts? Racing—searching for potential danger, replaying what I “should’ve said,” and asking, “What if…?”
IS there something wrong with me?
What happens when your mind won’t stop replaying the past, predicting the future, and preparing for the worst? How do you return to yourself?
The word of the day is:
“Groundedness.”
Breathe In...
“Groundedness” or “being grounded” has become a buzz word or terminology, but, what does it really mean?
Are you supposed to buy something? Join something? Download another meditation app? How exactly do you create a sense of groundedness in your life?
"Groundedness" is not something you purchase, accomplish, or join. It is a feeling of being, a conscious awareness that you are connected to yourself and anchored in the present moment. Yes, even when life around you feels uncertain, chaotic, painful and uncomfortable.
Being grounded does not mean that you are always calm. It does not mean that you never feel anxious, overwhelmed, angry, or afraid. It means that when those feelings arise, you can remain connected to yourself rather than being completely swept away by them.
The idea that we can remain connected to ourselves during our own personal “storms” reminds me of a tomato plant that has been growing at our shore house for years. I have watched this plant—which produces the most delicious, sweet orange tomatoes—get battered by storms season after season, year after year. Yet, it remains strong, anchored in the soil, and continues to produce the yummiest tomatoes ever.
Here is my point: we ALL go through seasons, and we ALL experience vicious storms at different times in our lives. BUT, if we can learn and practice remaining connected to who we are—strong and steadfast—we can continue to show up in the world as we were designed to be. We still get to share our gifts and talents. We still get to impact the lives of others. We still get to create. And, we still get to feel into the power of choice.
"Groundedness" is not the absence of the storm. It is the conscious presence of your roots and the knowledge that you are enough. Not perfect but absolutley enough. Always have been…always will be. You are what you are looking for. "Groundedness" allows you to return and reconnect with “home”.
YOU, are the home.
What Could Feeling Ungrounded Look Like?
Everyone feels ungrounded from time to time. What that it looks like will depend on the person and the situation. Here are a few signs:
Your thoughts race from one worry to the next.
You constantly anticipate what might go wrong.
You feel disconnected from your body or surroundings.
You are reacting impulsively instead of responding intentionally.
You need everything around you to feel under control before you can feel okay.
You are physically present but mentally somewhere else.
Other people’s emotions quickly become your own.
Feeling ungrounded can feel deeply uncomfortable, and we often respond to that discomfort by trying to gain more control. We make lists, seek reassurance, replay conversations, stay excessively busy, Google everything to death, or attempt to predict every possible outcome.
These behaviors may provide temporary relief, but they do not necessarily help us feel safe. In fact, they can send our nervous system the message that uncertainty and the unknown = danger. This is how we can become trapped in cyclical thought patterns that create more anxiety and separate us even further from the sense of groundedness our minds and bodies desperately need—and, dare I say, our souls may long for.
"Groundedness" begins when we stop asking, “How can I control everything around me?” and start asking, “How can I remain connected to myself while this is happening?”
The truth is that much of what happens around us is outside our control. When we practice groundedness, we begin to move toward accepting what is—even when we do not like it, agree with it, or wish it were different.
Here, we are reminded that although we may not control what is happening, we still have the power of choice. We get to choose how we will respond to what is.
You are not powerless. And choice is pretty powerful, don’t you think?
How Can I Create More "Groundedness"?
Grounding does not have to involve a perfect morning routine or 30 minutes of silent meditation. It can happen in small, ordinary moments.
Let’s start with your body.
Place both feet on the floor and notice the support beneath you. Take a slow breath in, filling your belly and lungs, hold it for 3 seconds, and slowly exhale, allowing your exhale to be slightly longer than your inhale. Let your body follow the exhale. You will notice how your body naturally wants to “fold in” as you exhale. Allow it to do so. Relax your jaw. Lower your shoulders. Look around the room and remind yourself:
“I am here. This is where I am right now and I am safe.”
Use your senses.
Identify five things you can see,
four things you can feel,
three things you can hear,
two things you can smell,
one thing you can taste.
This exercise gently redirects your attention away from the anxious experience, thoughts and/or predictions, and back toward your actual surroundings.
Create Predictable and Consistent Anchors.
A morning cup of coffee…a walk after dinner…, a few minutes of stretching…, journaling before bed…, or calling someone you trust. All of these anchors offer your nervous system a sense of consistency and allow your nervous system to rebalance. Eventually, you return to home…you, quicker. These routines should be simple, no elaborations needed. We do not want to overload the brain because it already is. Simple, easy, quick to get you back to you. The power of these activities comes from repetition.
Name What You Are Experiencing.
Try saying, “I am noticing anxiety,” instead of, “I am anxious.” Believe it or not, this small shift helps your brain to understand, and reminds you that anxiety is something you are experiencing…It is not the entirety of who you are.
Return To What You Can Control.
You may not be able to control another person’s behavior, the outcome of a situation, or what happens next. However, you can choose your next breath, your next action, your boundaries, and how compassionately you speak to yourself.
"Groundedness" can also come through connection. Sometimes we regulate ourselves internally, and sometimes we borrow steadiness from another person. A safe conversation, a reassuring presence, or simply sitting beside someone who allows us to be exactly where we are without having to change or explain or make ourselves “better”, can help us return to ourselves.
You Do Not Have to Feel Calm to Be Grounded
This may be the most important part: Grounding is not about forcing yourself to feel better.
You can be grounded and still feel sad. You can be grounded and still feel uncertain. You can be grounded while having a difficult conversation or making an uncomfortable decision.
The goal is not to eliminate every uncomfortable feeling. The goal is to learn that you can remain present, connected, and compassionate toward yourself while those feelings move through you.
"Groundedness" is the practice of returning to your body, to the present moment, to what matters, and, ultimately, to yourself.
So, no, you do not have to buy anything, join anything, or download another meditation app…unless you want to.
You can begin simply by pausing, feeling your feet beneath you, taking one intentional breath, and remembering:
“I am here. I am enough. I am safe enough in this moment. I can take the next step from here.”
I invite you to practice "groundedness"; to choose connection with yourself when your instinct is to reach for more control, greater perfection, or another plan.
Those strategies may offer temporary relief, but groundedness offers something deeper: a way back to yourself.
You are not something that needs to be fixed.
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