What Is Authenticity—and How It Helps Us Break Free From Cycles of Pain

Breathe...

When Was the Last Time You Truly Felt Like Yourself?

Doesn’t it seem like the word Authenticity is being thrown around from podcasters, to ads., maybe even close friends? But here’s the real question: Does anybody ever STOP to define the word? Do you know what people are trying to say to you?

Authenticity is one of those words we hear often but rarely pause to define. We might think of it as “being yourself,” but in reality, authenticity goes much deeper. It’s not just about saying what you think or doing what you feel. Authenticity is the practice of living in alignment with your values, needs, and truth—Yes, even when it feels uncomfortable, even when it disrupts old patterns, even when it challenges the expectations of others-Family, friends, even colleagues. 

It seems like it is getting harder to “live authentically” as the world seems to demand that we choose sides at every turn: politics, economics, immigration issues, religion, etc. 

But, what happens when we make a choice not in alignment with our values, needs, and truth?...We become disconnected from our core self, our authentic self, the Self that was created with gifts, talents and a purpose. 

When we’re disconnected from our authentic selves, we often find ourselves stuck in cycles of self-imposed pain.

What do I mean by that?

Maybe you keep people-pleasing until resentment quietly builds.

Maybe you silence your needs in relationships, only to feel unseen.

Maybe you live by “should's” instead of “wants,” leaving you exhausted, unfulfilled—sometimes even numb.

These cycles feel familiar… but they also keep us trapped.

In sessions, I often ask my clients simple but powerful questions: 

“In that moment, what would you have needed to feel better?”

8 times out of 10, I hear: “I don’t know.”

Or I’ll ask:

“What would bring you joy?”

“If you could hit reset, how would you create a life that invites fun, curiosity, love, passion—where you actually live in alignment with who you are?”

Usually, there’s a long pause. Someone shifts in their seat. Maybe fidgets with their hands. And then…“I don’t know.”

Sometimes, if they’re willing to be really brave, they’ll add:

“I’m not even sure I’ve ever experienced some of the things you’re suggesting.”

That’s when my heart aches a little—because I know that feeling. That haunting sense that something is missing, even if you can’t quite name it. You don’t know how to find it, but you know defining it feels like the key.

It can feel like being lost, scared, frustrated—quietly hoping the answer will finally reveal itself so you can run toward it.

And then slowly, sometimes in the smallest of ways, the truth emerges: The answer isn’t “out there.” The answer is YOU.

(this is me, authentically playful with my puppy Luca)

Authenticity breaks the cycle.

When we choose to live authentically, we start to:

• Acknowledge our true feelings instead of suppressing them.

• Set boundaries that protect our energy and well-being.

• Release perfectionism and allow space for being human.

• Pursue what brings meaning rather than what simply checks a box.

Authenticity isn’t always easy—and maybe it's not supposed to be. Authenticity often feels risky, like stepping into unfamiliar territory. As humans, we’re wired for habit and comfort, so change naturally feels unsettling. But here’s the truth: we are capable of adapting. Growth asks us to lean into discomfort—not because it’s pleasant, but because it teaches us. Change can be challenging, even painful at times, yet within that struggle lies the opportunity to learn, to shift, to evolve. And on the other side of the risk? Freedom. Freedom from self-betrayal. Freedom from the weight of living a life that doesn’t fit. Sometimes, beyond the fear, we discover something even more powerful—compassion, understanding, and acceptance.

A Gentle Reflection

Take a moment to ask yourself: Where in my life am I showing up in ways that don’t feel true to me? Notice without judgment. Awareness is the first step toward change.

Your Next Step

If you’re ready to explore authenticity more deeply—to break free from cycles of pain and step into a life aligned with who you truly are—psychosomatic therapy can provide a supportive space to begin. Together, we can uncover the patterns and emotions that keep you stuck, and practice new ways of showing up for yourself.

Click the "book an appointment " tab on my website to schedule a session. Let’s begin the journey back to your authentic self.

Exhale...