When Calm Feels Uncomfortable: Relearning Safety and Coming Home to Yourself (Part 2)

Vanessa Greenwald
Oct 27
3 min read

Breathe...

In Part 1 of our series, we explored what body dysregulation can look and feel like—how our nervous system can get stuck in survival mode even when life seems to be “fine.” We also talked about how calm can feel foreign or even unsafe when our bodies have been conditioned to expect chaos.

Now, let’s talk about what healing looks like. Not the quick, surface kind of healing—but the slow, embodied return to safety within yourself healing.

Do you hear that?

It’s Your Nervous System Is Trying to Talk to You

Our bodies are storytellers. Think of a tribe, and how the elders/shamans were the holders of ALL information. They would use these "experiences" to “teach” those who were open and wanted to learn. Your body is like the “elder or shaman”. It has so much information about who you truly are, where you have been, it has battle scars, and memories of experiences filled with joy, love… it is the keeper of your stories dying to teach you if you are ready to listen. Even when we’ve learned to silence or ignore its cues, our body continues to whisper the truth:

“I’m overwhelmed.”

“I’m afraid.”

“I don’t feel safe yet.”

When we start to listen—not with judgment or a need to “fix it” or push through it, but with curiosity, compassion, and love—we begin to build trust. That trust is the foundation of nervous system regulation.

You don’t have to “fix” your body; you have to befriend it.

Regulation Begins With: Being in Relationship

Healing dysregulation is less about control and more about relationship—a relationship with your body that says:

“I hear you.” (Curiosity)

“I’m not going to abandon you again.”(Compassion and Love)

At first, that might feel weird, awkward or unnatural. Especially if your default has been to disconnect, overthink, judge, or power through. But remember: calm isn’t something you achieve; it’s something you make space for and allow.

Small moments of connection matter:

Taking one deep breath when you notice you’re holding your breath.
Feeling your feet on the ground before walking into a stressful meeting.
Placing a hand on your chest and simply saying, “I’m safe right now.”

Each of these is a micro-gesture of safety—a message to your nervous system that it can begin to let go.

Why “Doing Less” Is Actually THE Work

When we start regulating, many people (myself included) hit resistance. Stillness can feel like laziness. Slowing down can trigger guilt. Rest can bring up old fears that we’re “falling behind”, “not doing enough”...

But the truth is, your body cannot heal in survival mode.

Doing less isn’t giving up—it’s giving your system space to rewire. Every pause, every exhale, every boundary you hold gently teaches your body that it no longer needs to live in hypervigilance.

Build a Sense of Safety—One Practice at a Time

Here are a few practices to begin building regulation and safety in your daily life:

Grounding through your senses: When you feel anxious, name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you
can taste. This helps bring your awareness back to the present moment.
Co-regulation with others: Spend time with people who feel safe and grounded. Our nervous systems actually “sync up” with the energy of others—calm is contagious.
Gentle movement: Try walking, stretching, or shaking out your limbs. When energy has nowhere to go, it builds tension. Movement gives it a way out.
Breath as an anchor: You don’t need to force deep breathing. Just notice your inhale and exhale. Let your breath remind you that you’re alive, here, and safe enough to slow down.

Healing Is Not Linear—It’s Rhythmic

Healing dysregulation isn’t about never being triggered again. It’s about learning to move through activation with more awareness and compassion.

Some days you’ll feel calm and connected; other days you’ll feel like you’ve taken three steps backward. That’s not failure—it’s your nervous system practicing flexibility, learning that it can return to safety again and again…and again.

Remember: regulation is a rhythm, not a destination.

Coming Home to Your Calm

The more you listen, the more your body begins to trust you again. As that trust deepens, “calm” no longer feels foreign—it starts to feel like home.

You may begin to notice that your breath naturally deepens. That your shoulders drop without effort.That "quiet" feels less threatening and more nourishing.

This is your nervous system remembering what it means to be safe.This is the body’s way of saying: